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You would think with the buzz over 50 Shades of Gray (watch movie trailer) that BDSM and kink are new things. They are not. Couples have been enjoying getting a little kinky in the bedroom long before E.L. James or A.N. Roquelaure (Ann Rice’s erotic pseudonym for those unfamiliar) put pen to paper. Whether reading Pauline Réage’s Story of O or partaking in the darker works of the Marquis de Sade, people have had an interest in the kinker, darker side of sex for a very long time.
It is hard to pinpoint just what attracts couples to kink. For some, it is a driving need to experience something that involves more than just physical sex. For others, it is just a way to spice up a bedroom life that has become routine. Whatever the reason for the attraction, we all have different motivations. If I attempted to name them, I might leave yours out. The bottom line, though, is that we achieve some kind of gratification and satisfaction from it.
For example, about 64% of women enjoy ravishment fantasies. The reason is complicated, but researchers think that the reason may be that through these fantasies, women are free to enjoy sexy, raunchy acts that they would otherwise be embarrassed to discuss doing.[i] I myself will never advocate for any woman (or man for that matter) giving up sexual agency in order to avoid shame. On the other hand, I do know that it takes time to accept the idea that shame is a purely societal construct that we should break and discard.
It is why I think submission is so powerful. The submissive hands over control to his or her Dominant, but he or she retains sexual agency in that he or she has to consent to handing over that control and can set the limits of the power exchange. It is a way for someone to learn to accept their desires as natural by having another command it from them, and then reward them for providing.
Perhaps you are thinking about recreating some kinky fantasies of your own. The activities from the upcoming Valentine’s Day movie release may or may not be your thing. Not everyone enjoys bondage and spanking. If you are struggling with ideas for fantasies that you and your partner can try together, consider a few magazines to help you get some ideas.
If you want to give the man in your life some ideas to explore with you, and do not mind such ideas getting a little steamy, consider getting him Variations. This male-focused magazine caters to the kinkier side of sex and includes reader accounts of their own escapades in the bedroom. On the other hand, if you prefer him to try for something a little more innocent, you could drop the hint with Gallery. This sultry little magazine features amateur, girl-next-door style models and entertainment. You could also consider showing him what you have to offer with Nasty Housewives. The name speaks for itself, I think.
Those are just a few of the magazines that you and your partner can use to get ideas for things that you might like to experience together. Reading is a powerful thing. We go on about the phenomenon that is 50 Shades, how it has awakened women’s sexuality and generated new interest in fetish and kink. What we seem to ignore is why it was so powerful.
When we read, our mind begins to spin. Without a screen in front of us, we have to create for ourselves the world the author describes. Think about your favorite non-steamy book. Consider how it made you feel as though you were transported into the world and lives of the characters you read about. You very likely found yourself laughing and possibly even crying at what took place. When that world is full of erotic and sensual delights, the effect is even stronger for us. Sexual activity helps to stimulate the release of chemicals in our brain that make us feel happy and relaxed.
It is no wonder, then, that reading erotic literature, whether in a book or in a magazine, is so appealing, or why we go back to them repeatedly.
So this year, get ready to spice up your Valentine’s night. Have him take you to see that movie you both know you really want to see. In the meantime, get him a raunchy magazine and bookmark a page of something you might want to try. Then, after he has treated you to your on screen fantasy, talk to him about the one you want to create in the bedroom.
Happy Valentine's Day!
[i] Statistic source: http://www.yourtango.com/2014206789/sex-valentines-day-30-sexual-fantasies-youll-both-love#.VLcmYCtGjYQ